Through the travail of the ages
Midst the pomp and toil of war
Have I fought and strove and perished
Countless times upon this star
Gen. George Patton
Friends,
The following comes from a dream I had many years
ago. I woke up drenched in sweat. I could taste the gunpowder in my mouth and I
could smell the sulfur based black powder on my fingers. I was in a cold sweat
but at the same time I felt strangely calm. I feel a strange kinship with the
author of the above verse, General George Patton. I think maybe he and I would have much to
talk about.
I
stand in a line of battle, gazing out across the valley. It is a beautiful
Indian summer day. The temperature is cool, but not cold. The sun is beginning
its descent in the west, leaving a crimson streaked sky behind. A sign of
things to come perhaps. I, along with the other men in my regiment, am angry.
Schofield and his Yankees gave us the slip down at Spring Hill. I don’t know
which of our officers made a mess of that. We were close, so close, to bagging
the lot of them. But now the bird has flown. Word has trickled down the line
that the Yankees are dug in and waiting for us. Now more good men will die
because of some general’s mistake. Unfortunately this is not the first time in
this d—n war that this has happened. General Bragg had a particular talent for
that sort of thing. Hood has proven himself equal to the task too. Folks say he
is a Texan, but I also heard he was from Kentucky. I’m not sure which is true
or why that even matters. I saw him a few days back, perched in his saddle with
his wooden leg sticking out at an odd angle and his useless arm limp at his
side. Hardly an inspiring sight. Now here we stand.
If
I crane my neck, I can see the whole Army of Tennessee stretched across the
valley, one brigade behind another. I think there’s something like 20,000 of us
now. Far fewer than just a few months back. I marched off to war in 1861 in a
company of 100 men and a regiment of over 1,000. Now there’s just about 20 of
us left in the company, and a few of them are replacements. Our regiment
numbers around 350. The sickness has carried off a good number of us, though
that number has grown fewer over time. Yankee bullets and artillery have done
in the rest. But through it all, we’ve given a good account of ourselves. I’ve
already lost a brother and two cousins. And I’ve marched through more states
than I can count. We’ve shed and spilt blood in places with names that no one
had ever heard of until we died there; Shiloh, Perryville, Chickamauga,
Murfreesboro, Kennesaw Mountain, and more that I can’t remember myself. I’ve
come close to meeting my maker a few times. A spent musket ball gave me one
hell of a headache at Missionary Ridge. Another Yankee put a round through my
calf outside Atlanta. Another inch and it would have taken out my shin bone. I
count myself fortunate to be among the living. But as I look across the valley,
I don’t know for how much longer.
Two
places down in the ranks, Charles O’Neill, an Irishmen, is performing his usual
pre-battle ritual of entertaining those around him with a ribald tale of lewd
conduct in a New Orleans brothel. He does this before every fight. I guess it
calms his nerves. Behind me, our resident expert on tactics, Haywood Galloway
is prattling on about our chances for success. When he boasts that we will
drive the heathen Yankee into the Harpeth River in a half hour’s time, I turn
and remind him that he also said that we would never lose Atlanta. He admits
that he was mistaken as to that point but reminds me that we met the Yanks at
Kennesaw Mountain and “smote them hip and thigh.” Henry Ferguson, the man on my
right, hands me his rifle. He steps out of the ranks, bends over, and vomits
the contents of his stomach onto the grass. Then he wipes his mouth with the
sleeve of his coat, takes his rifle back, and resumes his place. No one says a
word to him as this is his usual pre-battle routine. I wish Charles would do
more vomiting and less talking.
I
can no longer remember why I enlisted. They tell us we are fighting for “The
Cause” but no one seems clear on what that cause is. I, along with the rest of
my company, don’t own a slave. I’ve never given it much thought, really. The
d—n planters look down on us just as they do their slaves. You ask me, I’d
trade most plantation owners for a Yankee any day of the week, even if they do
talk kind of funny. I’ve met a few of them while on picket duty. They don’t
seem like bad fellows. I can’t consider them the enemy since we speak the same
language and pray to the same God. I do know one thing, they can put up one
hell of a fight if they have to. All that talk about one Southerner licking ten
Yankees that the newspapers were full of when the war started has proven to be
a lie. No, I can’t remember why I signed up. But I know why I’m still here. I
fight for the boys on either side of me and behind me in the ranks. We’ve been
through hell on many fields together and I’ll stay with them no matter what. If
that means I have to die today then so be it. I can’t give up on my friends.
Our battle scarred regimental flag floats proudly above us. I’d die to protect
that too, as it is a symbol of the only thing that matters to me anymore, the
regiment and my comrades.
Some
of the boys are reading versus from little Bibles they carry with them. Others
are absently staring into space, lost in their own thoughts, as I am. Down the
line, one officer is reading the Bible aloud to his men. His passage is from
the book of Psalms. “A thousand shall fall at thy side, and ten thousand at thy
right hand, but it shall nigh come near thee.” I think maybe he could have
picked a better verse. And since I am to the right of them, I can’t help but
feel a little nervous. But death in war is random. It is all by chance. One
step sooner and you’d have missed the round that hit you. One place to the
right of where you stood in line and the cannonball would have missed. I’ve
seen the man to my right take a musket ball in the face mid sentence. It could
have been me, but I don’t like to dwell on that. So far, I’m grateful for the
fact that when it comes to me the Yankees have poor aim.
I
hear another regiment singing softly, in unison, with their chaplain leading
them. I recognize the hymn but as I was never much on church attendance before
the war, I can’t say I know the words.
Oh
land of rest for thee I sigh
When
will the moment come
When
I shall lay my armor by
And
dwell in peace at home
Henry
nudges my ribs and says “I think that moment has come.” I chuckle and earn a
glare from the Lieutenant who commands our company as he paces back and forth
in front of us like a caged animal. He is young and wholly incompetent. Part of
me hopes that he catches a bullet soon before he gets more of us killed than
necessary, though I suppose that goes against my upbringing. And then I hear
it, a single cannon shot from behind us atop Winstead Hill. The orders echo
down the line. “Shoulder arms.” “Forward march!” Here we go. Behind me, Charles
begins to recite a Hail Mary. He does this every time as I am sure he wants to
ensure he goes to heaven after telling his lurid stories. I’m not Catholic, but
I’ve memorized the prayer after fighting in plenty of battles with him. I join
in, silently, just for good measure.
The
valley shakes with our footsteps. Each shrunken regiment moves behind their
flags and it gives the impression that we march behind an ocean of red. Up
ahead of us, I catch a glimpse of what looks like a small unit of Yankees out
in advance of their main line. We are going to overlap their lines with ease.
Maybe this won’t be as bad as I thought. “At the quick step!” We pick up our
pace. And then it starts. Whooooooooooooooo-eeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Whooooo-eeee! Our
yell. I’ve heard the Yanks cheer moving forward, but nothing like our Rebel
Yell. Prisoners say it scares the daylights out of the Yankees. With good
reason too. As I join in, the hair on the back of my neck stands up. If we can’t
drive them out with force, then maybe we can yell them out.
We
get so close that I can see the individual faces of the Yankees in the advanced
line. They stare at us with eyes wide with a mixture of fear and awe. I hear
their officers urging them to open fire. Then all hell explodes in our faces. I
feel sudden space to my left but I don’t turn and look. Someone else slides
into the place. We quickly fire one volley into their ranks though I don’t
think I heard the order to do it. The Yanks turn and bolt for the safety of
their main lines. Our officers are yelling at us to follow them and we do,
matching them step for step. We even pass a few of them. I imagine someone will
be along to gather them up and direct them to the rear.
There
is a road that runs through the Yankee lines and they didn’t bother to block it
though they erected pretty extensive breastworks everywhere else. The Yanks
hold their fire, not wanting to shoot their own men who are running between us
and the Yankee positions. We smash into them like an ocean wave. It is mass
confusion. Soldiers are running in every direction. The powder smoke is thick
and I have a hard time seeing much of anything in the gathering twilight.
Suddenly, a phantom group of Yanks looks like they appear from the very ground
itself. Screaming like demons from hell they run towards us. For the first
time, I feel fear.
My
hands shake as I try to load my musket. I manage to get one shot off and hit a
young private in the chest. There’s no time to reload. Jesus Christ it’s going
to be hand to hand. I hate this. Killing at a distance is one thing, but
killing up close is something quite different. A Federal soldier lunges at me
with his bayonet. I parry his strike and smash him across the jar with the butt
of my musket. The air is filled with the sounds of desperate men. I can hear
the screams of enraged men, the shrieks of the wounded which always turn my
stomach, and the roar of gunfire. I turn and see a Federal battery preparing to
fire into another advancing regiment behind us. First I hear the roar of the
cannon. Then I can hear the crushing sound of bones shattering under the impact
of double canister rounds. Body parts fly dozens of feet into the air. My ears
bleed from the concussion of the blasts.
There
is a tug at my elbow. I look down and see Henry kneeling by my side. He pulls
at my sleeve with his left hand while he tries to stuff his intestines back
into the gaping hole in his stomach with his right hand. I drop my rifle and
grab him under the arms. I try to pull him away to the safety of the other side
of the breastworks, but as I pull him his intestines snake out of his stomach
forming a trail. I set him down. His eyes are glazing over and I know that he
won’t be much longer for this earth. I grab the nearest rifle and locate a
large Federal sergeant who is kneeling atop our hapless Lieutenant, hands
locked around his throat. Oh the temptation to turn away. But it isn’t the
Lieutenant’s fault that he is an imbecile. I plunge my bayonet into the
Sergeants back and give it a quarter turn to the right. He stiffens and screams
as I withdraw it. The Lieutenant scrambles out from under him, picks up his
sword, and stabs the sergeant through the neck. He is covered in spurting
blood. As the Lieutenant turns to move away, he drops to the ground without a
sound. He doesn’t get back up.
As
I try to load my rifle again, I see soldiers weeping hysterically as they try
to do the same. Some are wandering around in circles laughing, their minds
broken by what we are doing to each other. Two officers in the middle of the
road are fighting with their swords as if they are medieval knights. But that
is officers for you. They always have to be the center of attention. I look to
my left and right and notice a few of my company and regiment still in the
area. We move to seek refuge on the other side of the Federal positions, facing
the spot where we started our attack. The Yanks dug deep ditches there and I
think we’ll be much safer.
We
keep up as steady a rate of fire as we can over and through the wooden logs at
the Yankees just on the other side. But our losses are mounting. Blood is
starting to fill the bottom of the ditch. The air is thick with the acrid,
sulfuric stench of the gunpowder that smells, I imagine, like hell itself. The
coppery scent of blood makes me want to vomit. I gag involuntarily as I try to
load my rifle with shaking hands. Some of the men are praying aloud as they go
through the motions of firing their rifles. Others are screaming curses at the
Yanks, at the Confederacy, at General Hood, or at all three. “God have mercy on
us!” I hear from down the line. As I turn, I see the Yanks preparing to fire a
cannon down the length of the ditch. Then I feel nothing.
So as through a glass, and darkly
The age long strife I see
Where I fought in many guises
Many names but always me
So forever in the future
Shall I battle as of yore
Dying to be born a fighter
But to die again, once more
Through
a Glass, and Darkly by General George S. Patton
My name is Lee Hutch and I am a Half A$$ Historian. I
cannot explain the dream and I had, but I know it was real. Maybe it was the experiences of one of my many ancestors who fought there. Or maybe it was my own. I don't know. What I do know is this. The brave Confederate soldiers who made that charge are the epitome of brave. They were afraid, but they went anyway. That, Dear Readers, is the definition of courage.
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